


No Going Back

by WakeUpSunshine



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:55:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WakeUpSunshine/pseuds/WakeUpSunshine
Summary: *PLOT SPOILERS*Ellie goes back to the theater after making Nora talk. A continuation of her and Dina's talk while Dina tends to her wounds.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 255





	No Going Back

Ellie stumbled aimlessly through the streets of Seattle, towards where she assumed the theatre was. The rain was light, a gentle tickle that she couldn't feel due to the dried blood and dirt that was caked into her skin. She wouldn't be surprised if it stained her permanently. 

Her eyes stung, a continuous stream of blood and sweat trickled into her already dazed sight. She moved her hands to wipe her agitated eyes when she caught sight of the dark crimson that was caught under her fingernails, stuck in the creases of her palms. A reminder of what she'd done. 

The rain wept alongside her as she walked, an inconsolable friend in her hour of need. 

Her hour of need? She scoffed and laughed bitterly to herself. What a joke. She had been stuck in her hour of need for the past 19 years. With no one to come to her rescue. 

Well, no. Not no one.

There was someone. 

But now he's gone. Ripped away from her, right before her eyes. Just out of reach. Far enough away that she couldn't do anything, but close enough that she could hear the sound of his blood gurgling from his mouth, the sound of the gold club caving in his skull. The one fucker that spat on his body. 

And the girl. Her face was burned into Ellie's skull. The way she walked, the way her body moved. Her voice. Her name.

 _"You want what_ I _want, right?"_

Abby.

Abby.

_Abby._

She reached the theatre before she came to her senses. Her hands shook at her sides, jerking erratically. She took a shallow breath in through her nose and clenched her fist. But she could still feel the weight of the metal pipe in her hands as she crushed in Nora's skull. The wet sound that came with each swing. 

It was deafeningly loud and eerily silent in her mind all at the same time. 

She brought her fist up and rapped on the door, the wood slick beneath her skin.

Her voice was broken as she spoke, unrecognizable to her own ears "It's me" 

There was a shuffle of muffled noise on the other side before the door was swung open. A blast of warm, stale air hit her in the face but it was a welcome scent compared to the strong, heaving smell of blood that appeared to be clogged in the back of her throat and nose.

"Ellie"

Then there were arms wrapped around her shoulders and a warm body pressed to her front. Dina's welcome smell seemed to ground the taller girl, she brought her arms up to reciprocate the hug when she remembered the blood that still coated her skin and clothes. 

Dina took a step back but kept her hands on Ellie's shoulders, a distressed look on her face "are you ok?"

Ellie refused to meet her gaze and instead stepped into the theatre, barely hearing Jesse as he spoke.

"Christ, is that your blood?"

Her hands were already reaching to retrieve the folded map that was tucked safely into her bag. She wiped her hand on her thigh, trying not to stain the paper. Ellie unfolded the map and laid it out for them all to see.

"She's hiding out in the... in this aquarium"

Ellie looked up at Jesse to get some type of reaction but he only looked on with sadness in his eyes. Sadness, and a sliver of anger. Anger at Ellie for putting herself through this. At Dina for risking her life to try and help her. But most of at the people who have clearly scarred her. 

"Ok" Dina's soft voice caught Ellie's attention. She took the map from Ellie's hands and handed it to Jesse. Ellie would of pulled her arm away from the hand on her elbow in fear of getting her filth on the smaller girl but her touch was so warm and soft. 

And maybe Ellie needed that right now.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up"

Dina lead the other girl down the main entrance, her grip was slightly stronger now that she realised Ellie had her eyes open but she wasn't actually seeing. Her body was on auto pilot. More than likely from shock.

"You were gone for a long while, we were starting to get worried"

Ellie didn't respond, instead choosing to worry her lower lip in her mouth. At the sudden bitter taste of copper she stopped instantly. 

She knew Dina was speaking, she could hear her voice. But her head was under water. Her skin felt fuzzy, the hair on her arms pricked up and almost stung her bruised skin.

Dina didn't push it. She didn't want to make matters worse. They finally reached the backstage that they had made into a makeshift bedroom. Old clothes were still hung up on the racks and the mirrors were smudged over. But it was pretty good all things considered. 

"Here"

Dina reached up and slipped Ellie's arms out of the straps of her backpack. She tried not to notice how limp her body was, how unresponsive. 

"Why don't you sit down here" Ellie felt her knees hit the back of their small makeshift bed and all but collapsed on to it "I'm just going to get some things to clean you up and I'll be right back, ok?"

The ringing in Ellie's ear quickly subsided when a warm hand was placed on her grimy cheek "Ellie?"

Everything became clear then. She could feel the heat from Dina's palm soaking into her skin. She could count the loose threads on her tan shirt or count each individual eyelash on her eyelids. 

"Yeah yeah, I'm good"

"I'll be back in a few seconds, is that ok?"

She nodded her head, eager to rid herself of the foul smell and the crust of dirt on her body. Dina hesitated for a moment before stepping back and quickly walking out the door.

Ellie listened to her retreating steps until she couldn't anymore. She knew what she was doing was affecting every single person around her.

But she couldn't stop.

Not when she was so close.

She released a shaky breath before grabbing her denim sleeveless shirt. She bit back the wince that threatened to escape her lips as the material dragged across her skin and the strain it put on her aching body. 

She was left in her jeans and her tattered t-shirt that had now taken on a deep red and almost black colour. If it was this bad on the front, she knew it was worse on the back. She didn't remember what happened but she knew there was a deep gash near her shoulder blade. The blood had been trickling down her spin for the last few hours, tickling her in the most irritating way.

The door was opened then and she watched Dina set a bucket of water on the floor along with some gauze on the bed. She stood in front of Ellie, struggling to watch the way she couldn't catch her breath.

"Arms up"

Ellie swallowed thickly before reaching over her head and grabbing the back of her shirt. The fabric dragged painfully against her skin, catching on the blood that had started to dry. Dina helped her the rest of the way and threw the raggedy t-shirt next to her.

She stood there for a moment, staring at how beat up and bruised the once vibrant girl was. Deep purple bruises were scattered across her stomach and ribs, her shoulders were scraped raw. 

She moved behind Ellie when she realised that she was probably making her uncomfortable.

Little did she know that Ellie wasn't aware that she was staring. She had spaced out again. Nora's whines echoed through her skull, her pleading voice that had fallen on deaf ears.

A warm hand on the back of her neck brought her back to the present. Dina was sitting behind her now, her thumb rubbing soothing circles on the nape of her neck. She heard the sloshing of water as Dina's hand travelled slowly down her back. She wanted to tell her to stop, to not dirty her hands. But she knew she wouldn't listen.

Then there was pressure on her shoulder and she couldn't hold back her groan. Dina worked slowly and carefully, trying her best to be gentle. Tears had been building behind her eyes all night, they burned to be set free. 

And then they fell. She didn't deserve Dina. She didn't deserve to be touched so gently after everything she'd done.

"I made her talk"

She felt the pressure on her back ease up, she felt the look Dina sent her. Probably a look of pity. 

She remembered the look in Nora's eyes as as she beat her. Scared, terrified, horrified. What was she becoming?

She inhaled sharply and brought her hands to her face, what was she becoming?

"Hey" Dina wrapped her arms over her shoulders carefully, fingers lightly grazing her collarbone "it's ok"

Ellie reached up and grabbed Dina's wrist, her warm skin was comforting against her own.

"I don't want to lose you"

Dina struggled to hear the words that left Ellie's lips, unsure if she meant to say them aloud or not.

Fighting her own tears, Dina placed a featherlight kiss to Ellie's bruised shoulder "good"

Ellie inhaled sharply again, her skin felt fuzzy under Dina's touch. She tried to ignore it, tried to focus on the feeling of Dina's hands on her back and not her erratic heartbeat. Her blood was pounding in her ears, deafening her. Again. 

Her hand was on her chest now, it felt like there was an anvil over her ribs. Restricting her breathing. The air seemed to rush inside her all at once, before she could actually let it settle in her lungs it was pushed out again. Then back in. Then out.

"Ellie"

Her blood was boiling under her skin, swimming around her brain too quickly. The room was starting to spin

"Ellie, stop"

Dina was kneeling in front of her now, her hands laid out flat on her thighs. She tried to focus on the girl in front of her but she physically couldn't. She nearly puked up the bile that was burning in her stomach. 

"Look here, look at me" Dina sat up on her knees and grabbed Ellie's face. She rubbed her thumbs soothingly on her skin "breathe with me, ok? In and out, like we practiced before, you remember?"

Ellie tried to nod her head but a fresh wave of dizziness nearly sent her sprawling to the floor "ok, ok baby. Here, lie back"

Dina stood up and quickly helped Ellie to lie back. She could worry about fixing up the gash on her back later. She gently grabbed Ellie's chin and tilted her head in her direction "eyes up here, look at me"

Ellie stared at the calming look in Dina's brown eyes. She tried to copy her breathing, it was even and steady. Relaxed.

But she couldn't.

She flailed her hands out desperately at the girl above her and Dina took her hands in her own. 

There was red everywhere. Seeping through the walls, soaking into her clothes, crawling into her skin and eyes. She was choking on it.

And she saw Joel behind her eyelids. Whatever was left of Joel anyway, his fingers twitched in her direction before his breathing stopped and he was left lifeless. 

And so was she. Did she die in that basement with Joel? Some part of her thought she did.

But the other part of her told her to shut the fuck up and see what was in front of her. A beautiful, honest girl that was truly in love with her. In love with a monster it would seem. 

Suddenly, her hand twitched under something warm, soft. Ellie saw that Dina had unbuttoned her shirt and was holding her hand against her chest, above her heart.

"Do you feel that?" Dina spoke in a calm voice, her eyes never leaving Ellie's.

Ellie's only response was a small brush of her thumb against her smooth skin "count my heartbeats Ell. Do it for me"

Her heartbeat was strong under Ellie's palm. Strong, hard and alive.

Alive.

Dina was ok. She was here. With her.

And slowly, ever so slowly, she started to come down. Her breathing evened out, her blood stopped streaming through her veins like wild fire, her skin felt normal again.

In the blink of an eye, Ellie was back. She sat up quickly and sucked in air like a drowning man. She turned to Dina and pulled her against her body. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Ellie was practically sitting in Dina's lap as she chanted her apologies against her neck.

"Don't apologise, please don't do that Ell. It's not your fault" Dina rubbed her back in small circles, mindful of how raw her skin must be. Her other hand held the back of her neck supportively.

"But it is, you're here because of me. I mean Dina for fuck sake you're pregnant. You should be relaxing at home in a warm bed--"

"Ellie" Dina's voice was close to her ear, warming her skin where her hair didn't cover "you go, I go, remember?"

Ellie sat up slowly and stared at the very interesting fabric of Dina's still open shirt "Yeah I do but you can't--"

"Enough" Dina cut Ellie off with a whisper before leaning forward and taking her lips in a featherlight kiss. Ellie's lips were chapped and still slightly bloody but Dina didn't seem to mind. She pulled away and placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth, resting their foreheads together "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere without you"

A single tear dropped from Ellie's eye, landing on the blanket under them "I don't want to lose you" she repeated her words from earlier.

"You won't lose me" Dina kissed her one last time before reaching for the rag to continue cleaning her back "you won't Ell, I'll always be here for you"

It took some time but eventually all the blood and dirt was washed away from her skin. Dina had expertly stitched up the cut on her back, leaving a kiss on her now sensitive skin. Ellie stared at the bucket that sat by her feet. The water was now murky and tinted red. Her reflection stared back at her with blank eyes.

"You should eat something before you go to sleep" Dina stood up and bundled the used rags in her fists, reaching down to grab the bucket of water. 

"Here, let me help" Ellie moved to stand up before a gentle hand on her shoulder pushed her back down. 

"Just rest Ell, please"

How can she explain what she's feeling when she wasn't really sure herself? She doesn't want to leave Dina out of her sight ever again, especially now that she knew she was pregnant and sick. But secretly, Ellie couldn't bear the thought of being alone with her own thoughts anymore.

"It would just" she coughed when her voice cracked in her throat "it would make me feel better if I could go with you"

She stared at her hands instead of looking up at the other girl who was now sitting next to her on the bed

"What's going on?" 

Ellie reached for Dina's hands and brought them into her own lap "please don't leave me alone"

She heard Dina's sharp intake of breath from next to her and suddenly she was wrapped up in her arms "oh Ellie"

Dina shifted until they were both lying down and Ellie didn't hesitate before resting her head on her chest. She gripped Dina's shirt in her hand and breathed in her familiar smell. Vanilla, washing detergent and her fruity shampoo. 

Dina smelled like home.

"I'm not going anywhere Ell"

Ellie brought her hand down and rested it above Dina's stomach. She traced her skin over her shirt and swore to herself that she would always protect Dina and this baby.

"I know that Di, I love you"

"I love you too, stupid. So much"

And despite everything that had happened, Ellie smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Am I going to write something to fix the ending of the game? Absolutely. Why? Because I'm heartbroken :') 
> 
> If you have any requests just let me know.
> 
> Say hi on Instagram!!: emmaflynn_2002


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